


Forgivness (I'll see you again)

by TheBaggins



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Everything Hurts, Final moments, M/M, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-08
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 13:03:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10854561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBaggins/pseuds/TheBaggins
Summary: Baze and Chirrut's final moments. After their separation, they never forgave each other fully, not until their death was imminent...





	Forgivness (I'll see you again)

**Author's Note:**

> Someone had mentioned something about the two of them dying wihtout having forgiven each other for the separation. It was a horrible thought but it gives room for writing so here it goes...  
> That is considering the separation even happened...
> 
> Also i'm a big sap and i hate bad endings so i have them forgiving each other in the end...at least that's something...  
> also thanks to @safarikalamari for helping me out with this one! <3

_Chirrut! Come back!!!_

Chirrut’s steady figure was moving through the fighting, blasts and stormtroopers passing next to him, allies falling around hurt or dead, but Chirrut Imwe continued unaffected. It was if he was hypnotized, he didn’t seem to notice anything that went down.

Baze’s heart was beating so fast he thought it was going to fly out of his chest. What he was feeling was an indescribable mix of emotions, from fear, guilt and confusion to anger and hope.

Once Chirrut reached the switch unharmed, Baze’s heart skirted with hope. He was still in agony though, because it wasn’t over yet.

 _Chirrut! Come! Come with me!_ He repeated, his voice more urgent now. He saw Chirrut turning towards him, he looked as If he had woken up from a dream and the first thing he noticed was Baze calling to him. He smiled.

With the sight of the smile Baze felt a knot in his stomach; it felt both good and bad. But the smile comforted him, and for one short second he believed things might work out.

The next moment, a blast fell and dust covered the area around Chirrut. Baze couldn’t see for a few terrifying moments but his heart sunk because he knew what had happened; he knew the blasts all too well, he’d seen them before, he’d felt them. He knew now that things wouldn’t work out after all. He was a fool to have let a part of himself think it.

Once the dust started settling, he descried Chirrut’s figure on the ground. He was overtook by despair. It paralyzed him, his guts felt empty and burned him, his throat became soar. Without second thought, he run to Chirrut. _You’ll be ok, you’ll be alright, don’t you dare… You’re ok…_ That’s all he could think of while he covered the -what seemed to be endless- distance between Chirrut and himself.

He wanted to go to him as fast as he could, but on the other hand, he feared the moment he’d reach him and Chirrut would be…. _No, don’t you dare…_

He had to be alive. He had to know…he had to tell him…

**************************************************************************

 

Chirrut was lying on the sand. He was dizzy from the fall, it all had happened so fast. His body felt irritated all over, the groveling on the sand had made his skin sensitive, despite the hard robes that covered his body. The stale taste of blood was in his mouth along with some dust, and the smell of the burned sand and metal around him dominated his nose.

The sand felt soft, but not in the relaxing sort of way. He  felt like it was swallowing him, like it was numbing his senses. Maybe he was getting numb. Or maybe the sand was too soiled with pain from those who had died and it got to him.

He didn’t care, he let himself be overcome by the numbness. However, he was very aware of what had happened to him, what was going to happen…

Somewhere in the distance he thought he heard Baze’s voice. oor Baze...He must have known... Chirrut dreaded the moment Baze would reach him. He dreaded his reaction.

Most of all he dreaded the guilt he’d sense from Baze and all the pain. He knew, because he felt the same.

Guilt and sadness. Of things left untold, secret grudges kept for so many years…

Their long separation had changed them. Not necessarily how they felt about each other, but it had changed them. He still loved Baze more than anything, but they were never the same again. There were things they didn’t talk about, there was a constant underlying bitterness that broke the otherwise sweet feeling of their reunion every now and then.

They were very different after all. In ideology, in personality, in way of acting and expressing themselves. But they both knew that, respected that and they knew that’s what had brought them together in the first place. Their ability to complete each other.

However, those differences had become more evident and silent as the years passed. They were both getting tired, they were getting impatient. When Baze returned, he was more distant, cold. He was akward as if he didn’t know how to behave around Chirrut. He partly felt guilty for being gone for so long, but he still hadn’t forgiven Chirrut’s contribution to his going away. It takes two …

 He was also unable to understand Chirrut’s stubborn devotion to the Force. After all they’d gone through, after all that had happened…

Chirrut on the other hand, felt he couldn’t’ trust Baze as he did before. And it pained him. He knew he could trust Baze with his life, but emotionally, he wasn’t ready to let himself free again. Not yet. It's amazing how devastating the loss of trust to a personn you hold so dear is.

They’d told each other it was ok. Things would be ok, they acted as if everything was normal; but the forced politeness with which they treated each other was telling.

They said nothing but the things they left unspoken carved a sense of unsettledness in their guts.

 And now…

Now it felt as if someone was stabbing through their hearts with a lightsaber leaving something hollow where that used to be.

Baze didn’t feel the earth beneath his feet. It was all like a dream, the world around him had gone quieter, it had slowed down; he run but it felt as if he stayed in the same place.

All he knew was the anguish he felt. The knot in his stomach that made him want to throw up. All he knew was CHirrut had been his only companion in life, his other half and right now he feared for him more than any other time.

And Baze Malbus didn’t fear very often….

 

Neither did Chirrut. And somehow, he wasn’t afraid at that very moment. He was worried…but not afraid.

He felt a heavy flop next to him and he knew that was Baze. He had kneeled over him, nearly collapsing on the ground and he grabbed him almost clumsily.

“Don’t go…”

He heard him say and CHirrut’s heart broke into million pieces. Baze’s voice was hoarse and the fear that coloured it made Chirrut’s heart jump; he felt a thousand times worse than he did before.

In all their years together, he’d never heard Baze like that or felt him like that. He was so overwhelmed by Baze’s emotions that he took some moments to gather up the strength to talk to him. His breath was failing him, given the fact he was fatally hurt too, it was difficult to speak. He gave an effort however; he knew he had to….

“I’m here! I’m here!” Baze declared exigently, as if his presence would fix everything.

It was to comfort both of them: Chirrut wouldn’t be alone and Baze would be there next to him, as he’d been for all their lives.

Chirrut knew that Baze was surrendering slowly, giving up to the fact he wouldn’t make it.

“It’s ok” he said plainly.

And he meant it.

It was all alright. There were no hard feelings. He understood. He knew why he had left. He knew how he’d felt. For a long time, he stopped himself from forgiving Baze entirely because deep down he was angry. Not with Baze altogether, but with everything that was happening in general.

He was angry at the Empire. Angry for what they had done, all they had caused. The pain, destruction, deaths… The loss of his culture, his city. He blamed them for everything and he blamed them for Baze’s loss of faith.

Mostly, he blamed the Empire and since Baze left, he blamed Baze. Everything was changing, everything he knew was slowly falling apart and he felt angrier and angrier by the day.

He never showed that anger however. Not to Baze or even to himself. It was just building up inside him; unbeknownst it was powering his will to fight, his ability to kill when necessary. It also kept him from forgiving Baze.

He could no longer stay angry though. He understood Baze's point of view he just refused to accept it for a very long time. Ever since Jedha was destroyed he begun to see things more clearly. And at that very moment, as grabbed him in his arms, he finally was released by all those feelings. He let a wave of love and familiarity flow through his senses, a sense of reassurance that he didn’t know where it came from.

But he’d never felt so calm and sure; he wanted to make a joke. He wanted to prove to Baze that it was all fine. To let him know he forgave him and he shouldn’t worry, that all was as it should be. He knew Baze wouldn’t appreciate the joke... _He always needed more comfort than humour._

Chirrut couldn’t’ hold on anymore. His senses were failing him, the numbness was getting more intense. The good thing was the pain was retreating as the numbness grew. Baze’s presence made it all better...

_“It’s ok t”, he repeated._

_“No! Don’t go! Don’t go. Chirrut”. Baze was begging…_

_Not that it would make a difference anyway. It never did. If Chirrut had something in his mind no amount of talking would convince him to do otherwise._

_And it seemed damn certain he was going to die._

_Baze couldn’t even think right within his panic. He couldn’t say anything well versed to Chirrut, he failed to  think of a single thing to tell him. He still couldn’t believe his companion in life was flailing right before his eyes, right there, while holding him helplessly._

_He wanted to cry, scream, kill, he wanted to hug him and take him away from there, to keep him safe. He wanted to tell him he was the best thing that had ever happened to him._

_But he couldn’t. No more words came out of his mouth._

_“Look for the Force and you will always find me”._

Chirrut insisted in his faith even then. 

Chirrut’s untouched faith infuriated Baze every so often. He’d been disappointed by the Force in the past. So disappointed he’d completely abandoned it and its practices and left.

He didn’t’ know if he felt the Force had abandoned him too or if it was just indifferent. He believed Chirrut was more in touch with it than him. He knew that…

But Chirrut was…well, Chirrut!

 

His other half, now dying in his arms.

Baze couldn’t believe he’d ever held grudges against him. What for? He didn’t even remember. It would have been something frivolous, unimportant… it all seemed unimportant now…

A while back Chirrut’s devotion to the Force, the belief that it was with them, sparked a lot of arguments between the two of them. Baze felt that his losing his faith to the Force had hurt Chirrut. So much that it caused a drift between them, a drift that contributed to his leaving…

All that, was of course so subtle that none of them ever said anything…They knew it was there but they always thought something would come up and make them explode or it would just go away in time…

They never thought they’d have no time to do any of that.

“Chirrut?!” Baze called, half in disbelief , half begging him to hold on.  He knew he was losing him and there was nothing he could do. He contained his voice, for Chirrut’s sake. He kept his feelings to himself, he kept calm, even though inside of him he was dying moment by moment, he never let it show. Chirrut probably knew how he felt, he knew the moment he’d be gone, Baze would be a dead man. Chrrut was very perceptive and if he could reassure him even in the slightest that he was not falling appart, then he would.

_He wanted Chirrut to go quietly. Calmly…_

_Baze’s face was covered in tears that blurred his eyesight, but Chirrut’s face was clearer than ever. “Look for the Force”, he’d said and his voice had trembled. The fear of darkness surrounding him, the concern for Baze…._

_Chirrut was so worried about Baze. He’d abandoned the Force long ago, it wasn’t enough he had to give him more to go on …._

_“..and you will always find me…”_

_Upon saying that Chirrut’s body relaxed. It fell heavy on Baze’s arms and he said nothing else…_

 

Chirrut’s last phrase was calmer, more hopeful. The prospect of finding each other in the Force was enough to give him hope upon dying. He had never feared about the mission, the Force made his every move clear, not always why but he knew it was for the best. He only feared to lose Baze once again.... 

“The Force is with me and I’m one with the  Force… The Force is with me and I’m one with the Force..” Baze started saying looking in Chirrut’s blank eyes.

For Chirrut’s sake. To give him a final feeling of contentment.  As Chirrut’s  face lighted with a hint of a  smile, his breath finally stopped,  but Baze didn’t stop his chant.

The goodbye to his love was turning into an encouragement for him.

He was devastated beyond measure. His entire world was now empty and pointless.

“…the Force is with me…”

he lowered Chirrut to the ground…

“and I am one with the Force.”

Softly placing Chirrut’s head on the ground, he completed the chant.

He was left there for a few moments. He very slowly removed his look from Chirrut and looked around him in surrendered grief.

 

Suddenly, ahead of him, he heard a blast that was followed by an explosion.

_Bodhi._

_The pilot._

Unless he had miraculously left the ship while he was gone, Baze was sure that Bodhi was the next one to die. He had no idea if Cassian or Jyn had survived.

Right there, while kneeling on the ground defeated, Baze made a decision…

Momentarily his face hardened in cold determination.

He let the grief, guilt and anger in, he welcomed them. For so long he was trying to keep them away but now, now he didn’t have to. He accepted everything…

He grabbed his blaster tightly and raised himself from the ground.

 

He didn’t look back to Chirrut again. He was gone, he didn’t have the chance to tell him he was sorry, or tell him he forgave him. Now he had to find him, be with him.

Baze didn’t have delusions about surviving. To be honest he didn’t want to survive anyway. Not without Chirrut.

But he’d be damned if he died doing nothing. He’d fight to the very end. As troopers were running inside the tower, he started walking, calmly and unaffected by his surroundings as Chirrut was when he went for the switch. Only his target was different. He’d take with him as many as he could.

He feared nothing,he was dead already, Chirrut was dead, so was the Pilot…

If there was any chance for the other two to succeed, he’d help them.

Draw attention to himself, kill as many as possible.

Without fear, without hesitation, Baze kept on walking and shooting.

Two troopers took aim at him. They didn’t get him. He shot them both. A third one came out of the trench and that one got him on the shoulder.

Baze shot back and two shots went around him as an answer. The third one got him again.  Before falling on his knees, he managed to kill the trooper.

 

He’d fallen down but strangely, he felt nothing. Or maybe the pain was so big that he couldn’t feel it anymore.

As he raised his head he saw another trooper jumping from the trench holding a grenade. He once again took aim and got him at first try. The man slid down the trench, very close to him, grenade still at hand.

That was it, he knew it…

Finally…

Baze didn’t care to even look at the grenade, didn’t’ care to roll away from certain death.

He only looked back, Back at Chirrut… His expression was blank. No sadness, no grief, no anger… Nothing. He was empty.

Upon Chirrut's site however, he felt something stiring in him. SOmething he hadn't felt for a very long time: a shy hint of light that made his stomach bounce. A slight hint of _hope_ …

Chirrut’s image, even lying there breathless, managed to get him to hope…

WHat for? Baze wasnt' sure and he didn't care.... Maybe he hoped he'd helped the others complete them mission, maybe....he hoped his belief in the Force had momentarily come back and made him believe it was all good. Mostly he wanted to hope he'd see Chirrut again, that was all he really cared about, more than anything else, to see him again, just for once... 

His final glance in that world was Chirrut...

Baze felt the explosion coming behind him.

He took a deep breath and he jerked his face half annoyed at the hope he had let in, half preparing for the blast…

He felt a wave of heat and the last thing he saw was a blurred figure in black and red…

 

_I’ll see you again you old fool…_

 


End file.
